A new study by the University of Chicago as reported by the NY Times
www.nytimes.com confirms what most mothers know -- having kids hurts your career. You'll make less money and see fewer opportunities for advancement than men or women without kids. I knew this before I had a baby. I saw it all around me in the newsroom. Women at the highest levels of management in the newspaper business either didn't have kids or didn't stay home with them for more than the first 6 weeks. This factor weighed heavily in my decision to wait to have a child until my mid-30s. I figured I could wrap up my first career, take some time off to be at home with my little one, and then pursue a new career, most likely having to start at the bottom again. Ideal? No, but it is what it is and fortunately, I had the benefit of a successful spouse who could make the money I wasn't going to make. But so many women don't have that support or don't want to derail their careers. Why can't they have it all the way our mothers said we could? I've long called this the lie of feminism. As the first generation raised by mothers who broke the barriers, we were told we could have it all -- career, husband, kids. And I'm sure there are those who have done it -- yay for them! But a whole bunch of us have had to make choices and live with the consequences whether it be foregoing motherhood or settling for less in our careers. I don't have any qualms with my choice. I love being home with my daughter and am confident that my next career path will be a good one to bring me both personal and professional satisfaction. But I do wonder if it will ever change. Will companies and coworkers ever not take issue with a mother who takes a pass on working late nights or weekends? Will technology ever really bridge the gap? Consider that we are more connected than ever and instead of reducing the time spent at work technology has really just made work a round-the-clock-do-business-from-anywhere activity. Everyone knows you can get that email on your phone so you'd better respond even if it is late at night. Feminism has reached its goal of equal opportunity as long as women are willing to approach work the same way as men. But the idea that as women we can have it all is a complete crock of you-know-what. We give a lot of lip service to the notion that being a parent is an important job and yet as a culture we do very little to back that up. Having children comes with a price and women pay more than men.
I think, on balance, women also benefit more from that mother/child relationship. I planned, with Morgan, to go right back to work (my own real estate business then). But, fate intervened; based on medical issues, I ended up bedresting for the duration, sold my business and became full time uterus.
ReplyDeleteSafely delivered with a healthy baby, six weeks came (and went) and I did not go back to work. I stayed home for two years and then did some volunteer work while Morgan went to preschool.
When I applied for "real" work, I was round filed...yes, I'm sure for the gap in employment. I talked my way into an interview by asking the wife of one of the search committee members (I'd done some of my volunteer work with her) to intervene.
I hope that you know that what you are doing is the most excellent work you will ever do. It is hard, demanding, often thankless and sweet beyond words. Just look at that picture of your lovely daughter, asleep and surrounded by her books. Makes me smile to think about it and I hope it does you too!
Hey Cheryl -- thanks so much for commenting on my post. Still trying to get the hang of this blogging thing and figuring out when folks post a comment.
ReplyDeleteInteresting the paths we take in life that are unexpected but most often exactly where we need to be. I know my current job is the best one I'll probably ever have and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm grateful everyday that I can be there for my little person. Still, I do find it frustrating the all or nothing approach many employers take to parents. I have friends who have to work and I see how hard it is for them to make it all work and the guilt they feel. Some employers talk a good game about flexibility but rarely have I seen one actually allow a mom to put her kids before her work. How sad.
Welcome to blogging and nice post. I have chosen to stay-sat-home with my daughter, soon to be 13, and have felt the sting of career options limited and reduced throughout the years. For the most part, I have worked part-time, independently and from home, enough to not have huge gaps in my resume but certainly in no way compensating for a full-time, career commitment. Like you, I have a very supportive husband and we are financially stable enough to make this choice, although with some sacrifices. My daughter will be off to University in 5 years; I will be 46. Hopefully I've done enough that, once she has moved on, I will be able to spend the next chapter of my life working at something fulfilling and challenging, and with fewer demands on my time, I can commit to some degree of success. Maybe we can have it all, just not all at the same time? Visit me at http://theknowitallmom.com. Thanks, The Know It All Mom
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