No Dear, You Can't Have It All

A new study by the University of Chicago as reported by the NY Times
www.nytimes.com confirms what most mothers know -- having kids hurts your career. You'll make less money and see fewer opportunities for advancement than men or women without kids. I knew this before I had a baby. I saw it all around me in the newsroom. Women at the highest levels of management in the newspaper business either didn't have kids or didn't stay home with them for more than the first 6 weeks. This factor weighed heavily in my decision to wait to have a child until my mid-30s. I figured I could wrap up my first career, take some time off to be at home with my little one, and then pursue a new career, most likely having to start at the bottom again. Ideal? No, but it is what it is and fortunately, I had the benefit of a successful spouse who could make the money I wasn't going to make. But so many women don't have that support or don't want to derail their careers. Why can't they have it all the way our mothers said we could? I've long called this the lie of feminism. As the first generation raised by mothers who broke the barriers, we were told we could have it all -- career, husband, kids. And I'm sure there are those who have done it -- yay for them! But a whole bunch of us have had to make choices and live with the consequences whether it be foregoing motherhood or settling for less in our careers. I don't have any qualms with my choice. I love being home with my daughter and am confident that my next career path will be a good one to bring me both personal and professional satisfaction. But I do wonder if it will ever change. Will companies and coworkers ever not take issue with a mother who takes a pass on working late nights or weekends? Will technology ever really bridge the gap? Consider that we are more connected than ever and instead of reducing the time spent at work technology has really just made work a round-the-clock-do-business-from-anywhere activity. Everyone knows you can get that email on your phone so you'd better respond even if it is late at night. Feminism has reached its goal of equal opportunity as long as women are willing to approach work the same way as men. But the idea that as women we can have it all is a complete crock of you-know-what. We give a lot of lip service to the notion that being a parent is an important job and yet as a culture we do very little to back that up. Having children comes with a price and women pay more than men.