Monday, October 4, 2010

Three Year Old...Friend or Enemy?

That's the title of the book I'm reading and as I'm quickly learning it's a good summation of life in our house these days. It's almost as if on cue, our daughter began acting like a three-year-old about a month before her birthday. It's what I imagine living with a schizophrenic would be like. Day-to-day I'm never quite sure which personality I'm going to get -- heck, it's more like minute-to-minute. I'm just relieved to learn that this erratic behavior is to be expected. I was beginning to think I had lost the upper hand in our parent-child relationship. So happy to know I'm at least hanging on.

If you've never lived with a three-year-old let me try and explain what it's like. Imagine you have a dog. And this dog has always been a pretty obedient little creature. Sure he whined and cried when you first brought him home or when you made him sleep in his own bed instead of yours, but for the most part, this cute little puppy was a pleasure. Always happy to see you, willing to eat whatever you put in its dish, easy to take along for a car ride, and fairly quick though not always capable of responding to your commands. Now imagine that dog has suddenly gotten moody...and opinionated. Sometimes happy to see you, sometimes poised to bite you for no reason; refusing to eat anything even if it's a favorite; completely unwilling to obey even the simplest commands; obsessed with making even the smallest task a battle of wills. That's sort of what it's like, except that your dog also is always whining, trying to boss you around, and incessantly reminding you that he can "do it myself." I am grateful everyday for preschool and grandparents who live close by.

But like any smart psychotic, three-year-olds also know how to give you the good stuff...the stuff that keeps you locked under their magical spell and stuck in the insanity. Not 10 minutes after refusing to get in the car, she will grab your hand without any prompting in the parking lot at the store and smile the sweetest smile. Or after standing defiantly in her room and telling you she isn't getting dressed, I'll return a few minutes later to find her toys put away, her bed made and her sitting on the floor "reading" a book. Or she'll make some clever remark like, "Mommy, you're not old...Granny is old." Or she'll just spontaneously grab my face, put us nose-to-nose and say, "Mommy, I love you the best and you're my favorite in the whole wide world." Talk about making 14 hours of labor without drugs worthwhile. Oh yeah.

So some moments my three-year-old is my friend and others maybe not my enemy but definitely something like a hostile witness. But she is always the second greatest love of my life and that will ensure both of us survive to celebrate her fourth birthday.

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